Alexandra Kathryn Mosca — Exploring Life and Death: A Writer's Journey

On of the advantages of being a funeral director who writes  about famous funerals is being able to attend them. The most recent high-profile funeral I attended was in September, for  Nelson DeMille, one of my favorite authors.

DeMille died on September 17, 2024 at the age of 81.

The following day, obituaries appeared in various newspapers and magazines nationwide, including Newsday, the Boston Globe, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and People Magazine.

”You can’t measure the loss. He was larger than life and one of the outstanding novelists of our time,” noted longtime friend Peter King, a former member of the House of Representatives.

Nelson DeMille’s novels often featured Long Island as a significant character, thanks to its rich landscape and cultural details. His 1990 novel “The Gold Coast,” which he likened to “The Godfather” meets “The Great Gatsby,” was his favorite work.

In the novel’s opening scene, John Sutter, a sharp-tongued lawyer with deep ties to Long Island’s elite, meets his new neighbor, mob boss Frank Bellarosa, at Hicks Nursery in Westbury. For generations, Hicks has been a Long Island staple. DeMille, who lined in the village of Garden City,  often incorporates local landmarks, history, and dialects into his work, highlighting Long Island’s unique charm. Of his 23 novels, 17 were bestsellers. “The General’s Daughter” (1992) was adapted into a film starring John Travolta and Madeleine Stowe. “Word of Honor” and “Mayday” became TV movies.

The Journey to Literary Excellence

Named after Lord Nelson, DeMille was born in Queens, New York, on September 23, 1943. However, the memorial cards list his birthdate as September 22. Long Island became both his home and source of inspiration throughout his life.

DeMille wrote his manuscripts by hand on yellow legal pads using a #1 pencil and drank black coffee. He shared on Instagram that he drinks about 12 cups of black coffee a day while writing.

DeMille’s first major novel, “By the Rivers of Babylon,” came out in 1978. Known for sharp dialogue, intricate plots, and humor mixed with suspense, DeMille skillfully blended history with fiction.

DeMille supported various charities, often quietly. “He was involved with many causes, including veterans,” said King. Nelson was always there when needed. He engaged with Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory, the Boys & Girls Club of Oyster Bay-East Norwich, and Mollie’s Fund for melanoma awareness.

DeMille’s last solo book, “The Maze,” was inspired by the Gilgo Beach serial killings. After its 2022 release, DeMille shared in an interview that he refused to tone down his popular character, Detective John Corey, despite editorial pressure. He found a new editor and publishing imprint to maintain his literary vision.

Gathering in Garden City

DeMille’s low-key  funeral reflected his nature as an author who valued his words over public recognition.

A visitation took place at Fairchild Sons Funeral Home in Garden City on Sunday, September 22nd, the same funeral home in which DeMille’s wife, Sandy, was waked six years earlier. The funeral home was once part of the Fairchild Funeral Homes group, which began in Brooklyn in 1883 and expanded to several locations, including Garden City in 1936. Today, it is the only funeral home in Garden City and has managed funerals for notable individuals like Alicia Patterson Guggenheim, Guy Lombardo, Arthur Mercante Sr., and Dave DeBusschere.

DeMille’s  visitation was held in The Grand Tier, a 3,000-square-foot private suite. Fairchild’s website describes it as “a truly unique configuration” offering both intimacy and grandeur. The second-floor suite has a private entrance and elevator. Due to its layout, the room feels like a cocktail reception rather than a wake.

DeMille’s poplar casket was placed in an intimate corner of the room flanked at each end by by an American flag and an army flag. At the head of the closed casket, there was a large black and white photo of a young DeMille with a goatee, wearing a turtleneck sweater and blazer. Floral arrangements were positioned around the area.

Across the room, visitors could see all 23 volumes of DeMille’s books on a wide table, along with his combat helmet and military dress uniform bearing the insignia of the 1st Cavalry Division and the Combat Infantryman Badge. DeMille served in Vietnam and was awarded a Bronze Star Medal, an experience that likely shaped his views on life, conflict, and human resilience.

During the afternoon, many visitors, some familiar with DeMille only through his books, paid their respects and viewed the video loop and family photos displayed around the room.

Saying Goodbye

The following morning, as mourners gathered outside DeMille’s parish, the Church of St. Joseph in Garden City, conversation naturally turned to DeMille’s literary contributions and the memorable characters he created. Among those in attendance were family friends and fans. Prominent figures from the literary community – authors, writers and editors—were also in attendance.

Monsignor James Vlaun, president and CEO of the Catholic Faith Network and a friend of DeMille’s, officiated. During his homily, Vlaun addressed his friendship with DeMille, sharing various anecdotes.

He recalled a summer when he and DeMille chatted on a boat.

“Which of my novels is your favorite?” asked DeMille.

“I never read any of your novels,” the monsignor replied, stating he didn’t read novels.

DeMille insisted on dropping off a box of his novels, but Msgr. Vlaun declined. Years later, as they left an event, DeMille suggested, “If you’re going to read one of my books, read ‘Cathedral.’” That was the last time he saw DeMille.

“I ordered it from Amazon this morning,” Msgr. Vlaun told the mourners.

Describing him as “an accomplished writer and a devout Catholic who utilized his God-given talents,” Msgr. Vlaun concluded the Mass by saying, “God bless you, Nelson.”

As mourners left the church, “On Eagle’s Wings” played. Outside, the Nassau County Police Emerald Society welcomed them with the military anthem “Garryowen.”  

Nassau County police escorted DeMille’s funeral procession to the cemetery where he would receive military honors in a private service.

An Appropriate Place of Repose

DeMille’s final resting place is on Long Island. He is buried with his wife, Sandy, in Memorial Cemetery of St. John’s Church in the village of Laurel Hollow. The 37-acre cemetery grounds were designed by the Olmsted family, noted landscape architects of the 19th century. Frederick Law Olmsted stated, “If art should do anything in a place of rest for our dead it should produce an impression of restfulness.” The cemetery’s Oak and Pine trees provide shade for the pathways and alcoves.

DeMille is among notable Long Islanders like Otto Hermann Kahn, who owned Oheka Castle, now a catering venue. Nearby are industrialist William Robertson Coe and his wife Mary “Mai” Rogers Coe, whose former home is Planting Fields Arboretum. Cemetery founder John Divine Jones, whose estate is now Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory, is also buried here. DeMille is listed as a board member at the laboratory.

The DeMille grave is located on a gently sloping hill adjacent to a shaded cemetery road. To the left of the monument, a stone bench invites visitors to spend time in contemplation or to read from one of DeMille’s literary works.

There’s no doubt that DeMille’s legacy will continue through his writing. A legacy’s true essence lies in the power of stories shared and the bonds forged through words.

Note: This is a streamlined version of the article I wrote for this month’s American Funeral Director Magazine.